agathashelly's Blog

My life, as it is so far.....

My life's been so hectic as of late. Summer semester starts next month, which is the least of my worries. However, as it turns out, Financial Aide made a huge blunder by putting me on FA Restriction after Autumn Semester. Apparently I was never supposed to be on it in the first place. My lazy - ass math teacher waited too long to put in my final grade, so FA put me on restriction based on what they saw at the time. It wasn't until a few days ago that I found out that I was taken off it because of the blunder. 

They never even told me! No phone call or email! So as a result I'm determined to make damn sure that the teacher who put me mess is punished. I don't know how or when it's going to happen, but I'm not going to let this slide! I will go through all LEGAL channels to resolve this issue so she doesn't do it to another student ever again!

Anyways, I went to my urologist for my post - op appointment and found at that I still have a large stone in my left kidney. The one I passed back in Febuary that was too big was just a portion of the stone still lodged in my ruddy kidney. Now I have to have a freaking Lithrotripsy to blast out the ruddy stone. Aside from that my urologist is trying to find out why they're growing so big. I still have a series of tests to do to solve this mystery and when he does I'm going to be put on some special meds and diet to stop the stone from forming. This will hopefully end the array of UTI infections as well. 

Other than that I've been 'chillin' like a villan', playing Xbox and enjoying the lovely weather. Well, that's when my neighbor isn't being a total and complete douche bag. I honestly can't say much when it comes to that issue, not now at least. All I can say is that it's out of our hands, which in our case is a good thing ;-) 

Anyways, that's pretty much it. 




Excited for the Rise of the Tomb Raider game

Okay, so I'm like a HUGE fan of Tomb Raider. I have been ever since the first game came out back in the 90's. As I stated in another blog, I just purchased an Xbox one for my B-day. I also was fortunate enough to buy a copy of (2013) Tomb Raider: Definitive Edition for Xbox one and love it! The graphics are incredible! I love how fast paced the story is and how more human-like Lara Croft is.

I'm so oober excited about the next game ' Rise of the Tomb Raider'. The graphics look even more incrediable and life like than the (2013) game. I'm also fortunate enough to have an Alienware and just recently bought the PC game so I can play it on the go. I know it's rather extravagant, but who cares, lol. After what I've been through recently I felt that I deserved to be a little extravagant just this once.

Anyways, here is the trailer for 'Rise of the Tomb Raider'.

Adios fellow EP'rs

~ A.S ~



Hello all,

Still battling rampant UTI's, but it's not as bad as before. I guess this is what happens when someone, even though it was a doctor, goes pokin' around up there...if you know what I mean ;-) Anyways, long story short, the frequent UTI's that I've been getting is still a mystery waiting to be solved. All I can do now is treat this problem the best I can; drink PLENTY of water and sometimes cranberry juice. Exercise often and maintain a healthy diet suited to my body's needs. I may never be in 'perfect' health, but I'll always try my best to maintain a sembelence of good health. That's pretty much all I can strive for at this stage in the game.

Anyways, life has been pretty boring, but I've been offically cleared to go back to the gym so that's a plus. I've been playing a lot of Xbox and have been looking for a part time job that isn't too demanding, but it's slim pickin's folks :-( I don't care what people say, the job market sucks right now! Especially if your a 28 yr old woman like me who has never been able to keep a job due to health reasons, lives with her parents and is obese. The only good thing in my life is my boyfriend, he's my rock!

I'd like to believe that my obesity isn't the reason that I'm not getting hired, but I don't. I've had several job interviews and all of them so far consisted of the employer judging me purely because of my apperance. Maybe to some I seem paranoid, but I know the 'look'. They probably think that I wouldn't be able to hack some jobs because of my weight. That or they're too disgusted and won't even consider hiring me because I am obese.

I've been pretty sore about the rejections for a while now, but now I'm beginning to realize that it's on them. They're passing up a good person and employee that'll work hard. It's their fault that they can't see behind the weight to the wonderful person beneath. I've had weight issues all of my life and for a long time I've been so insecure because of it. I thought that I wasn't worth anything and let people use me as their punching bag because I thought I deserved to be punished for being obese.

I'm way over that now and am okay with who I am as a person. Yes, I want to loose weight and am working hard doing so, despite my health issues, to loose wieght, but I'm not doing it to impress anyone. I'm doing it most importantly for my overall health and for myself. I'm done trying to live up to peoples expectations. In fact, why should any of us bend ourselves backwards just to please anyone? It'll never happen! I've spent most of my life so far doing just that and it's gotten me nowhere!

I've lost all of old friends and am now merely 'aqauintences' with some of them on Facebook. The few friends I do have are all on social media. I'm however grateful that I am no longer friends or even aqauintences with a few of my old friends because they were toxic for me. They made me feel used and inadequate, which never failed to bring down my already low self - esteem. Now I know better and am stronger because I've been friends with them. I now know what a good friend is like because they were the exact opposite of what a good friend should be.

Anyways, enough of my prattling. I'm getting ready to go back to school even though the Summer semester is a few months away. I'm trying to get myself prepared for Uni and for the Computer Science and Engineering program. It's highly competitive, but I can hack it. Sure, it'll be hard, but I've proven beyond measure that I can do anything if I put my mind to it.

What I'm about to say next may seem immature, but WTH. I'm going to have my moment ;-) It's ironic how, for the biggest part of my life so far, I was told that I'm stupid and that I'd never hack it in the world. This coming from some of my so-called 'friends'. Now they're eating their words because as it turns out, none of them have been able to really hack it so far. I know this because I still occassionally talk to some of them and all of them tell me how miserable they are, that they wished they'd of gone to college and what not. 

These are the people who prided themselves on being the smartest and couple even said that they'd go to Ivy League. They are also the same people who said on serveral occassions that said I was stupid to my face! And that I'd never make it. I'm sad however because apart of me wants them to succeed because despite my wounded soul, everyone deserves a chance. Anyways, I'm really done now.

Ta ta


Updating....if anyone cares.

Hello all,

So, this is just a quick update to those who care enough to read my blog. I'm still recovering from the surgical procedure, I still have a ruddy UTI because of said surgical procedure and have been stuck at home for what seems like FOREVER because of the crappy weather we've been having.  Anyways, I've been a huge fan of Fox's Sleepy Hollow since it's pilot episode and I have to say, season two's finale was pretty epic! I just wish the episodes prior to it weren't so bad that the producers are now contemplating whether there should be a season 3.

Yeah sure, it's just a show, but for a woman like me who is stuck at home, TV is my new best friend. Yeesh, ain't it sad :-( Anyways, I am happy to report that there has been no real family drama as of late, but I'm not going to hold my breath. Nothing lasts forever, but alas, that's life. Anyways, now news about what kind of kidney stone that I had surgically removed just yet. I hate the waiting and now because my urology doctor is going to be out for the next month or so, I have to wait for the results.

So infuriating! It's not like his nurse couldn't tell me over the freaking phone. I wouldn't mind. At least then I'd have some clarity and could start researching online and would know how to deal with preventing such stones to occur again. Anyways, I'm pretty much done prattling on for now.



The Nightmare that is the Fifty Shades of Grey Movie

Apparently I must be crazy because I'm not a fan of Fifty Shades Series. Apparently I was supposed to be impressed by the movie, which I wasn't. It was exactly what I thought it would be, but hey, it's Fifty Shades of Grey! People will praise this crap storm of a movie no matter how bad it is because it's based on a popular mass marketed book series claiming that this saga is suposed to emulate BDSM.

Well, I hate to break it to you Fifty Shades Fans, but Fifty Shades is thee worst example of a BDSM relationship. Just ask any person who dabbles in BDSM and they'll tell you that Fifty Shades is a bunch of shit on a stick. Anyways, I know taking me to see the movie was my sisters idea of my Bday present, but I personally believe it was their idea of torturing me in disguse since they know I despise the series. 

The only good thing about Fifty Shades was Jamie Dornan. I like him in The Fall and Once Upon a Time. I think Jamie and Dakota tried to do the best to make this movie good, but there is only so much a person can do. At the end of the day Fifty Shades is a based of a crappy Twilight Fic that got turned into a even shittier book series. 

The only good thing about seeing the movie was being able to have some quality time with my sisters. It's the only reason why I tolerated seeing the movie in the first place.  I personally am not dissing anyone who is a fan of this series, but please keep in mind that Ana and Christian's relationship isn't something that anyone should strive for. BDSM is okay, but the way Christian treats Ana is degrading. 

The whole wretched series is like a slap in the fact to all of the women who have worked hard for equal rights for women. Sure, maybe I'm being a tad bit dramatic, but  Christian Grey is not a good person. He is a sadistic and messed up perv who preys on an innocent college student and makes Ana think that she wanted to be in a 'relationshop' with him.  

Anyways, it's my B-day on the 16th and we are celebrating it tomorrow. Am I excited?  a little, but honesty it just reminds me that I am getting older. 

Well, Laters!


The Good, bad and the freakin' awesome!

Whoa, so much has happened this this week that I'm still trying to process it all. To briefly recap; I was in the hospital from Sunday night to Tuesday afternoon. I had a rather large kidney stone that was blocking my left kidney, so, I had to have it broken up and sucked out. It was either that or be in the hospital for weeks on end while I waited for it to pass. I chose the surgery because despite how painful it was afterwards, it was worth it.

I now feel that a large weight has been lifted off my shoulders. That cumbersome stone that had been causing me so much drama is now gone! Granted I still have some other stones in both kidney's, but those are passable ones. Anyways, something totally awesome happened to me this week. Because my birthday is next week my parents decided to rent to own an Xbox One with kinect. I'm so uber excited because the console is just plain awesome! That and it was the only one left at the Aarons store in my area. 

Now I can play Tomb Raider and Assasins creed Unity and Black flag! Granted, my parents only got me one game, but still, I HAVE AN XBOX!!!!!!!!! Anyways, now I am focusing on getting my self situated for next semester and getting myself ready for Uni. I have decided after long debate to forgo getting my associates in Networking and instead go for my bachelors in either Computer Science and Information Science or Computer Science and Engineering. I am thinking Engineering because that's where all the action's at :-) 

Anyways, that's pretty much it. Adios!


Emergency Surgery

I had emergency surgery on Monday because I was passing a kidney stone that was too big to pass by myself. Was I shocked silly? Heck yeah! I went to the E.R on Sunday night in pain, thinking it was just me having a hard time getting over my UTI. The situation however quickly unfolded into something larger than I had anticipated. Anyways, I was admitted into the hospital on Monday where I saw my urologist. He then basically wanted to do the laser surgery ASAP, which I agreed to because I was sick and tired of dealing with this issue. 

I'd been living in that ruddy stone's shadow for too long and now it's gone! Now I am recovering at home, but I'm sore as hell! Ugh, this may sound gross, but I never thought peeing would be such a chore! 

Anyways, that's pretty much it.

Catch you all on the flip side,


Whatever happened to the Experience Project?????

Lately I've been getting a lot of messages from horny members wanting me to see their private parts, sex up their private parts or wanting to sex up mine. Quite frankly, I'm SERIOUSLY ANNOYED by all of the pervs on this social media site. It just makes the rest of us look bad. I've complained about the perverted and sometimes sicks individuals on here, but I got trolled. 

It's unbelievable that a person can get trolled for speaking up about sexual harrassment while the ones doing it get put in the victim seat. If anyone who has been reading my blogs you'd know that I was put in a rather precarious situation on here not too long ago. This High School boy said that he wanted me to pee on him while I rubbed his belly or something sick and perverted like that. I can't rememeber. 

When I complained I got trolled by people. Told that I was being a close - minded person and what not. Sure, there are all types of people with all types of fetishes, but when a person puts you in a position where you are unwantedly subjected to their desires, it's wrong! Look, all I'm trying to say is that I'm NOT one of those people who like or WANT to relieve your sexual tension. I DON'T want to see you freakin' dangly bits or lady parts!

For peets sake, if you're so desperate, go to a social media site designed for stuff like that. I bet there are plenty of Adult sites out there that facilitate to that sort of thing. Please people, STOP using this public website where children can so easily see that sort of thing. I don't care whether you like or dislkike what I'm saying. The fact is, we are ALL entitled to our opinions.

In conclusion, I'd like to know where the EXPERIENCE project has gone??? All I see now is another place where people can hook up, bully and harrass others. There is only a small margin of people who come on here to do what this site is actually designed for. It's sad, but true. Agree or disagree, that's your choice. All I know is that I'm not going to stop using this site, despite my woes about it. 

Anyways, that's pretty much it.

Peace Out!


Celeb marriages

Ugh, I'm so sick of the media over hyping celeb marriages and relationships. It's like, get over it already. No one cares! Is anyone else as annoyed as I am about this?


Life, as of late.

Why is it that the things or people we care about the most end up hurting us? Sure, "things" can sometimes be rather materialistic, but when it's something that helps you, why then does it hurt you instead? School has been one of the good things in my life for a long time. Yes college is hard work, especially for a Computer Science major, but I've always relish the challenge and the knowledge that I intake.

Now I am denied that right due to the incompetent staff at Financial Aide. How is that fair? Sure, in some ways this unforseen circumstance is a godsend because I can now focus more on my health issues. However, it's the principle of the thing. For the people who handle the financial side of the equation you'd think that they'd be more duitiful, but alas their incompetence knows no bounds.

They didn't send my letter saying that I had been put on Financial Aide Restriction until the 20th of Decemeber and they closed on the night before Christmas Eve. I had little time to get my paperwork together and was not able to turn it in until the day after New Years Day, which was a Friday. Nevertheless, it takes two weeks for my restriction to go through, so I was unable to recieve book money and would've had to wait until the middle of Febuary to buy them and the supplies needed for this semester.

So, I made the right decision based on my situation, which was to not sign up for classes and instead resume my college career in the summer. Am I happy? You bet your ass I ain't, but what can I do now? I have exhausted every reasource available to me. Now I have four months of sheer bordem ahead of me! I have to find a job or maybe a short class where I can gain a skill to get a better job. I've been looking into dog grooming because their course is only three months long, which is long enough for me to take and get my certifcation so I can get a decent job somewhere to help pay off my Financial aide debt.

Sure, my appeal is going through, but I don't trust those dolts at financial aide. It's like they have monkey's working down there! Anyways, my relationship with my long time boyfriend isn't going to well. I feel as if we are drifting apart, which is understandable. I haven't exactly been thee greatest girlfriend as of late. I have so many emotional issues due to years of constant bullying that I find that it's hard for me to trust people in general. I feel as if I am constantly afraid that the next person's going to hurt me. I wish I could just be apart of the mix instead of looking inside the bowl, as it were.

Anyways, I'm having a hard time with a friend of mine. She's basically the only good 'girl friend' left that I have. She's in love with this man who according to her, doesn't even know she exists. The man she's in love with is engaged to another woman and to top it off, his fiance is pregnant with his child. This was a blow for my friend and lately I've been having a hard time consoleing her. I mean, it would be so much easier if she'd just let this go. There are other fish in the sea, but alas, she's still carrying that torch.

What's worse is that she seems to idolize this man to the point where I am afraid that it is becoming an obsession with her. Thank God she doesn't have an EP account and doesn't know mine because I don't know how she'd react to me blogging about this. Nevertheless, I just had to let this out because I am at my wits end. I've even suggested therapy, but she just waves it off.

She says that he's her soul mate, which is a concept that I am not sure that I believe in, but alas, my friend is determined. She isn't exactly in a position to confront him right now either. I can't go into further details, but all I can say is that this is obviously not going to end well for her. I can only hope that she sees the light and lets this man go.

Anyways, that's pretty much it for now. So much going on, but then again, not enough. I'd rathe be excited for the upcoming semester than wondering how I'm going to fill my days between doctors vists and tests.

Anyways, ttyl.


Sometimes school just plain sucks!

Life is continuing to be a hectic mess. I have another UTI infection, but thankfully I was able to get the right Antibiotics to help purge it from my body. I also may not be able to attend this semester due to the fact that I am now on Academic Restriction and am in the process of getting my appeal looked at.  I'm angry because no matter how hard I worked this past semester, I was still punished for not being good enough.  

How fair is it for a student such as myself to have worked so hard, even when sick and gets punished? I don't want to come off as whiny because I know there are those out there who are worse off than I am, but I'm sick of it! I'm sick and tired of getting short changed because I make one ruddy mistake. I tried my best to rectify it, but they don't give a shit because those in charge have to go by the system set by the school. 

This isn't the first time the school has tried to screw me over, but I had been lucky enough and smart enough to ouwit their screwed up system. Not this time however, this time I fear that I will not win this battle, but I'll be damned if I won't win the war. I've had to deal with ALOT of shit over the years and I'm not about to give up now. 

Anyways, I'm done ranting. It's just been a rough day. 



Well, there's only an hour left before Christmas is offically over. To be honest, I'm glad it is because this year Christmas has been rather exhausting. It would've been better if I weren't so stressed out about finals. Nevertheless, Christmas is about 'family time' and I will admit that I did enjoy the time spent with my family. Of course my sisters, especially my eldest, 'Feather' just had to constatly berate me because I apparently wasn't doing anything right. She even had the audacity to make a snide remark about my make up! I mean, come on! We're adults not children.  

Aside from my eldest sister's chidings, I've had a great Christmas. My mom, dad and I went to a Catholic Mass last night and I admit that I felt Gods presence so strongly there. I felt at peace and was facinated by how different their mass was from the methodist mass. Honestly, I liked it, which is saying something. I wouldn't mind going to a Catholic church on a regular basis because I feel that I am able to be who I am without being judged. I know it's weird to say that because I am STILL a Christian Buddhist, but sometimes you find peace in the last place you'd expect to find it. And for me it was that Catholic church. 

Anyways, I may not be able to go to school this semester. I am now on academic restriction and I am still getting my paperwork together. I have to have my appeal in before the 7th of January or else I won't get my money. I am so nervous because it takes a while for the appeal to go through. What am I going to do? I feel that school is what keeps me grounded and now there is a good chance that I won't be able to do this semester! Ugh, life is SO unfair. Well, if all else fails I will study for some of my IT certificates and take the tests so I can get a better job. That and I seriously need to get my drivers licsence. 

If I can't go to school this semester I will get a job and work on other things, especially working out. I have been rather lax about my exercise and I need to get back on the bandwagon. Anyways, that's pretty much it. 

I hope everyone had a blessed Christmas!



Life and the Holidays

Omg, life has been so hectic as of late. I'm so glad that it's winter break right now because I felt like I was going shit-crazy during the last few weeks of Autumn Semester. Speaking of school, I failed math but I passed my Intro to programming class with a B, so my GPA has now dropped to a 2.4. It's not too bad, but it could be better and it will be!  I just have to keep postive, watch plenty of ASMR vids and get enough sleep. 

Anyways, there has been a lot of tension in the family as of late. My sisters and are I slowly, but surely, finding some common ground. We finally had a big talk which didn't start out about religion, but instead was about our douche bag neighbor upstairs. We went to a nice christian Christmas Concert and during the early morning hours our upstairs neighbor started acting crazy. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say, he has a mental problem and was in fact partaking in illegal drugs that night. 

Long story short, I told my parents the next day, which errupted into an argument and that's why my sisters came over to help diffuse the situation. It felt so good to finally voice my opinions about not just the neighbor issue, but also some of our relationship issues. Especially when it pertains to my choice in religion.  I told them of my faith and of course they challenged me on my belief in Buddhisim. ( BTW, sorry for the crappy grammar and mispelling.) 

They basically said that God/Christ has to be the center of my life or I wouldn't be able to survive this world. I understand that they want me to have a healthy influence where faith is concerned, but to be fair, there are PLENTY of people out there who are don't believe in God or are not sure and they are still able to survive. My sisters had survived a long time as atheists and achived a lot, so this just goes to show how indoctrinated they are in their new religion. 

I admit that they are more considerate in some ways, but their intolerance of other religions is just plain sickening. When I asked them about other forms of worship like paganisim for example, they said it's a fake religion. I scoffed because I know there are plenty of pagans out there or Wiccan's, I'm not sure, but they truly believe in their faith just like Buddhists like me. Sure, some Buddhists don't belive in God, but that doesn't mean that we can't. It's all about choice and that's what appeals to me the most. 

I like the fact that I have the option of choice, whereas some forms of Christianity are so strict. It's almost suffocating! My sisters say that the scriptures are true and that we should adhere to what is said in the bible because it's the word of God. That Jesus died for our sins and therefore, we are all born in sin. What really gets me though is that as a Christian, we have to live up to these impossible high standards. Sure, there are some things we most defianately should not do like murder, rape and what not, but what about the ones like lust? 

I feel that there are some things that are just so inherent within us that we can't help but do them. Yes, we should always try to be good and not do them, but in this day and age it's like some of these sins are a natural way of life. I don't know, I am no theologian. I am just a normal flawed person who is naturally curious. I feel that I am at a point in my life where I want to delve deeper into my spirtuality and it's just hard when what you feel is right is hurting others. 

Yes, my sisters were hurt about my choice in Contemporary Buddhisim, which again is a person who is both partly Christian and partly Buddhist. They basically said that I CAN'T mix the two, but you know what, who said I can't? I still believe in God and Jesus, even thought I question some of the events in the bible, I am still a good and sometimes honest Christian woman. 

Anyways, enough of my rambling

Peace Out!


Bilbo now works at a Paper Company after saving middle earth

I thought I'd post this because Martin Freeman is awesome!


This is what happens when you interview

I saw this on Colbert and just had to post this. Freaking Hilarious!!!!

Benedict Cumberbatch & Reese Witherspoon lip locking......OMFG!

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Holiday Blues

Well, finals are offically over! I'm not happy about how my math final went because I didn't feel prepared enough for it. Had I have not gotten sick I know I would have done better in that class. I'll be very surprised if I actually pass, but hey this is the season for miracles, right? Anyways, I feel that I've gotten out of touch with myself as of late. The stresses of life has temporarily made me a tad bit frazzled and I need to get back in touch with myself spirtuality. 

I want to be able to deal with my sisters intolerance better and not get so caught up in the drama like I have been as of late. I have so much anger and grief inside me that I just want to get it out of my system, detoxify as it were. Right now I am feeling depressed because honestly, I miss having friends that I can hang out with. Usually I am okay with not having a lot of friends because I am too busy with school to worry about the lack of social life, but it's during these small breaks that I start to get depressed. 

I know I need to put myself back out there and really make a conservative effort to make new friends, but at my age, how???? A lot of women my age are too busy having families and what not to socialize. It's like being in your 20's and unmarried has suddenly become taboo! Anyways, I am done prattling.

Happy Holidays


Thanksgiving Blues

Life has been so hectic as of late. Finals are next week! I am pretty sure I am going to fail this math class and I am pretty much done with my Intro to Programming course, which is a plus because I can now spend more time working on math.  Thanksgiving was okay, not thee best, but at least we got to spend some time together. 

My middle sister Fendi had a real bad panic attack the night before, so my parents had to go over to my sisters place to watch over her. Fendi has been going through a lot lately. She had some blood work done and the phlebotomist's who administered the test basically freaked Fendi out, telling her that she had all these problems when it turned out that she really didn't have any. Well, aside from anemia, but that's pretty common in women. 

As for our relationship status: It's the same. They still treat me like a child and have NO respect for me at all. They basically refuse to aknowledge my spirtual path, which  isn't surprising, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I know I shouldn't let their negativity get me down, but I can't help it. I guess I am not at a place where I can just let their negative additude roll off my back like water. I always like to say that I am a work in progress, but aren't we all? ;-) 

Anyways, I'm still struggling with my health and because of that, my whole exercise and dieting routine has flown out the window! However, I am NO quiter. I plan on getting back on track after finals. Trying to do it before hand would be stupid because I am just too busy to work out right now. Plus, my sleeping routine is all messed up because my douche bag of a neighbor is back at it again! Apparently he is 'married' , but I've never seen his wife.  

 I did however see him and three other " Ladies of the Night " walk out of his apartment at 3am in the morning. I can't prove it because they could've been anyone, but they sure as hell made a lot of moaning noise and looked like a couple of 'tarts', as my mother would say. Nevertheless, it's not up to me to serve the justice, it's up to better and more qualified persons to doll out the justice that he deserves. All I ask is to be there when it happens so I can take pictures :-) 

Anyways, that's pretty much it



It's a sad, sad day....

It's now apparent, more than ever, that my sisters will NEVER accept my conversion to Buddhism. I know it's their warped ideology is stopping them from embracing my choice. Sure, they don't have to agree with it, but they should at least respect my choice.  I admit that I have made some dergetory comments about their recent ' born again christian ' conversion, but I ultimately accepted their choice. 

We all ultimately decide our own fate. Sure we can pray to whatever version of ' God ' that we believe in, but at the end of the day the choice is ours. Which is why I nor do they have the right to judge, and yet they judge me for my choice.  My ' middle ' sister, let's just call her 'Fendi', said to my face that although she doesn't agree with some of the aspects of Buddhism, she accepts my choice. 

I could live with, I had to. However, Fendi then goes behind my back along with my eldest sister, let's just call her 'Feather', and basically tells our mother that they both think that I am lost and need to find my way back to Jesus. That Buddhism is bad because SOME Buddhists don't believe in God. Fendi lied to me and even had the gual to preach to me about how I would be called to " judgement" one day and yada, yada, yada.... She shook her head, saying, " It's a shame, (A.S)." Like MY choice has such a detremental affect on them!

Fendi even had the gual to say that my choice would break up the family. She basically said in a round about way that I should just follow their example and be a 'good christian' like them. So, their version of being a 'good christian' is to judge other people who believe differently than them? HAH! I'd rather eat shit then adhere to their warped ideology. I at least my freedom of choice while they have given theirs to their church and have bought into their warped ideology. But hey, who am I to judge? I can sit here and ramble on and on, but then I'd be more of a hypocrite than I already sound like. 

Overall, I REFUSE to give in to them. If they let this family break apart then it's on THEM, not me!


P.S: To anyone who reads this, I still DO believe in God because it's MY CHOICE!

My smarts are in the right area

Sometimes there are moments in your life that you'll never be able to forget. No matter how big or small, that moment will NEVER be insignificant to you. Anyways, I ran into an old flame from High School the other day. I didn't recognize him but unfortunately, he recognized me. I don't think about him a lot because quite frankly, he was just a pit stop. A lesson that I had to learn and what I learned from him is that you should never put someone on a pedestal. More often than not, the person who you think you love and admire isn't who he or she really claims to be.

Finding a genuine person is rare in this world. However, I was young, foolish and was not prepared for romantic relationship at the time. That and he was a freshman in College when I was a Freshman in High School. The odds were never in our favor ( Tee he he...Hunger Games pun :) ) Anyways, when HE broke up with me, I was crushed!

I can't exactly remember what he said to me, but there are certain fragments of the conversation that were ingrained into my brain that horrible day. 1) He said that I wasn't intelligent enough for him. Granted, I was young at the time, however, he also said that I would always lack intelligence. 2) He had been sleeping with another girl for quite some time. 3) He admitted that he had good 'girl friend ' tell me that he was cheating on me. The rest, was just crap!

I can live with what he did and the fact that he cheated on me. I can even live with the fact that he didn't even have the balls to tell me first. However, the fact that he insulted my intelligence is something that I, even to this day, can't forgive him for. I admit that I've always been sensitive when it comes to my mental capabilities. I had such a hard time in school growing up and the fact that he demeaned my already low self - esteem was just wrong! He, being the grown- up, should've known better. He should've been more tactful, but alas, he was graceless.

Anyways, when he approached me I barely recognized him because he had gained so much weight. In fact, he's now bigger than me, which is saying something. He looked so unhealthy, old and quite frankly, unhappy as well. So, me being the nice person that I am, decided to let bygones be bygones and chat with him.

I'm so glad that I did because he made me realize that even after all these years, I had still been putting him on a pedestal. Sure, it wasn't the same one, but still, I've always had these ideas in my head about who he was even now and I was wrong. All these years I had been so self- conscious because of what he said and it has taken me a long time to build up enough confidence for me to pursue my dreams. I'm angry with myself to an extent, because I let this prick's past words hold so much weight in my life.

Anyways, as it turns out he's never really done anything with his so-called ' college degree ' and is instead working as a salesman. Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging him. It's just hilariously ironic that he would choose such a career when he had always boasted about how smart he was, that he was going to be such a big shot and the fact that he had always treated me like an idiot when we were together.

It's like the " Now the shoe is on the other foot " scenario. I just hope I don't end up like him and wind up doing nothing with my college degrees. I say 'degree's ' because I intend on at least going all the way to my masters degree. Overall, I intend to use my smarts in the right area.

In conclusion, when I told him about my career choice, he was stunned! Apparently, he still held on to his preconceived notions about me. Well, I basically showed him pretty quickly that I'm not the idiot that he thought I was. That I hadn't found my niche when we were together. I mean, HELLO I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL! Anyways, this experience has changed me in a good way and has proved to me even more that I shouldn't put so much stock on the opinion of others. Now I just have to learn to practice what I preach :-)


Adios Amigo's


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Previous Posts
My life, as it is so far....., posted April 11th, 2015
Excited for the Rise of the Tomb Raider game, posted March 16th, 2015
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The Nightmare that is the Fifty Shades of Grey Movie, posted February 14th, 2015
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Celeb marriages, posted January 16th, 2015
Life, as of late., posted January 10th, 2015
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Christmas, posted December 25th, 2014
Life and the Holidays, posted December 18th, 2014
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Holiday Blues, posted December 9th, 2014
Thanksgiving Blues, posted December 3rd, 2014
It's a sad, sad day...., posted November 14th, 2014
My smarts are in the right area, posted November 9th, 2014
Incompetence, posted October 31st, 2014
Fickle Friendship, posted October 19th, 2014
My computer's an Alien ( Tee he he...), posted October 14th, 2014
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Intolerance, posted September 25th, 2014
Religious Stigma, posted September 22nd, 2014
The Lost Jewel, posted September 20th, 2014
Spiritual Growth, posted September 13th, 2014
On the fringes of Faith, posted September 1st, 2014
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Depression ( PT2 ) My thoughts on Robin William's Passing, posted August 13th, 2014, 2 comments
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A life changing decision, posted August 7th, 2014
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I hate The Fifty Shades of Grey Group, posted July 24th, 2014
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The flute blues, posted June 26th, 2014
So many doors...which one do I choose?, posted June 14th, 2014, 1 comment
Week 1 of Summer semester and the drama that ensues...., posted May 31st, 2014
A Needed Rant, posted May 21st, 2014
Important Notice, posted May 21st, 2014
Update on Life, posted May 15th, 2014
The Verdict is in!, posted May 12th, 2014
Finally over, posted May 8th, 2014
Only so much you can do......, posted May 3rd, 2014
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