agathashelly's Blog
Here's a simple truth, nothing in life is perfect.I posted this in a group, but I also thought I should put it in my blog. -- A.S Nothing in life is perfect. I don't care what anyone says or claims, but life is fundamentally flawed. I find it laughable when someone claims that their life or they are perfect. It's just so pretentious to claim such a thing is true. I may sound like a bitter skeptic, but I'm not bitter nor am I a skeptic. I am just calling it how I see it. I accept people for who they are no matter what. In my experience, I have never found anything in life or have ever met a person who is perfect. If you look deep beneath the surface you'll see the flaws hidden there. In my opinion, I think it is the flaws that are truly beautiful. It just reminds me that we are all human and we make mistakes. It also reminds me that the flaws in life are what teaches us the most fundamental lessons that help guide us through life. Overall, you can agree or disagree with me. We are all entitled to our opinions. Peace Out A.S ChoicesWell, the verdict is in. I received two C's and an A this last semester. Am I grateful? Yes. Am I happy? No. Well, I am happy that I passed all of my classes, but because my History teacher decided to give me a C it brought my 3.0 GPA down to a 2.3. I was hoping to get on the deans list, but alas, I have to work my way back up the latter once again. There is however something that I am awfully excited about. My college has this program called the Preferred Pathway Program. This program helps those who want a smoother transition into a University to get their Bachelors degree. I am deciding to go to OSU ( Ohio State University) after I finish my Associates Degree. I am planning on either going for Computer Science and Engineering or Computer and information Science. Either way, once I am done with my Algebra ba I've never even contemplated that I'd ever get this far in my education. I thought that i'd basically crap out during the DEV ( Developmental) math classes, but I got through. Heck, I even got through this semester's college math class, which was a bitch to get through. I may have said this before, but I'll say it again. I'm so happy that I decided to go back to college and really buckle down, as my parents put it. I know in my heart and down the narrow of my bones that I am making the right choices in life. Higher education for me is something that I will look back on with pride and say, " I did it!" When I decide to settle down and have a family I will have the necessary education to have a good job, which will enable me to pay for whatever my family needs. I will make my parents proud and most importantly, I will make MYSELF proud. Anyways, this blog sounds totally mushy, but whatever. I like sharing my happiness with people, even if it's with this blog. au revoir A.S My thoughts on online sexting, chats, ect...Okay, I was recently approached by a person and was asked whether I wanted to basically chat online about sex. Granted, I understand we all have needs, which is perfectly normal. I do not however agree with the idea of randomly selecting a unknown person online to ask for sex,chatting about sex or whatever. It's degrading to both parties involved. I'm a firm believer in accepting other people's beliefs and practices. What you do is your own business as far as I am concerned. That's why I feel bad for basically going after this certain person who asked me for said services. Yes, I was offended by this persons offer and failed to understand at the time that this person was just acting on their instinctual needs. I personally however, don't agree with online chatting, sexting or whatever for the simple fact that you never know who is on the other line. Plus, I have a boyfriend who I am devoted to. I personally got wound up and angry over the offer because of my extreme dislike for such things. You may call me a prude if you like, but I have past experiences when I was a teenager that have basically scarred me for life. These certain experiences involved a random guy asking for some online whoopie, as it were, and he harassed me online to the point where I had to call the cops. I guess that this momentary situation with this certain EP member scared me. Overall, I DO NOT agree with such practices, but I know I could've been more gentile and basically handled the situation better. Anyways, if this certain member ever reads this blog, then I am sorry for being so hard on you. I do however want to impart some wisdom. You may be aware of this already, but asking for sex online is like painting a target on yourself. You never know who is on the other end of the screen, as it were, and you could be opening yourself up to someone who could hurt you. I respect your decisions and I am grateful that you respect mine. Until the next blog, A.S Deep ThoughtsThis blog has been marked as containing adult content. Your current adult settings prevent you from seeing it. Please go to your account settings page and change your settings to allow adult content to view this blog Apparently, miracles do happen.Well, I am pretty sure that I have passed all of my classes. I never thought I would and I was damn sure that I was going to fail math, but alas, I've succeeded against all the freaking odds. I have a habit of undermining myself, which is a nasty habit in itself, but I'm only human. I think we all, in a sense, have a tendency to undermine ourselves every once and a while, especially when we're feeling bad about a particular thing. I should never underestimate my ability to beat obstacles, because I know that I can! I have beaten them. Now I can move forward with an unblemished record. Heck, I may even make the deans list this year, which is something I've never hoped to ever achieve. I know that I am on the right path and will eventually get to where I want to go. For so long I have felt lost and with no sense of direction. It's funny how this one decision of going back to college has changed my life in such a dramatic way. Now I have a goal, have a sense of purpose and am proud of where I am going and what I've achieved so far in life. Anyways, I sadly haven't received my American History grade yet, but considering I passed my final with a B I can honestly say that I will pass. This of course will hopefully put me on the deans list. Now all I have to do is wait for my American Hist. final grade, which will ultimately determine if I will get on the deans list or not. I hate this waiting! I hate the fact that I feel like I am waiting on the edge of my seat, in suspense and am wondering what's going to happen next. Ugh, it's maddening. Anyways, this is where I conclude this blog, Ta ta for now, A.S MemoriesIt's funny how life changes in the bl I know that one can not go backward, but there are certain things about my life that I want back. I want my friends back. Well, I want the friends that for a time, loved, cherished and respected me as I did with them. We had a lot of good times and shared so many life experiences together. Now, we are apart and living our own lives. I know I am eating my own words, but I miss them so much, I miss those times together. My sisters and I were so much closer when we were younger. We were there for each other, in our own way and now it's like were perfect strangers sometimes. I miss our trailer, going to Geneva, Ohio for the summer and swimming in Lake Erie, when it was still clean, lol. We have fallen on such hard times these past couple of years and we haven't had some real fun in a long time. That is what this summer is going to be about, having fun and enjoying life. Well, when I'm not working that is. I have so many goals that I want to accomplish this summer. I have accomplished so much so far, especially with regards to education. I used to undermine myself and I still do to a certain degree, but no longer. One of my major goals in life is to not be ruled by my insecurities. I realize that I've let so much time pass by already and I need to really start living. Life isn't lived on the side lines. You have to really experience it for yourself, even if it scares you. There are many things in life that scares me, even things that may be normal for people. Anyways, to conclude this blog, I hope you all learn to live past your insecurities, and just live. Time doesn't stand still, waiting for you to join it. Time is a cruel mistress, who will do as she pleases. A.S The worst is finally over! The worst is finally over and finals are done! I now have four homework free months to do as I please. I've a lot to accomplish before Autumn Semester approaches, so I better get cracking. I am not too happy about how my math final went because I could't understand half what was on the exam. Personally, I don't care if I pass or not because either way, I tried my best. I will just have to try harder next time, but I'll have the knowledge from this semester to help me excel once again and make it to the next math class. Finals are almost hereI stand on the precipice of failure, I know that now. Math in general is terrible no matter how hard I try. I do hope that I get a better teacher when Autumn semester comes. So that's why I signed up for a hybrid class. I know it's risky considering I've never taken a hybrid before, but I am done. I'm done with putting my education solely in the hands of the teachers. Whenever I went math class I had faith that it would get better, but it didn't. Now I'm failing and I know I'm partly to blame because I had given up hope for a while, despite the fact that I still studied and did my homework. I thought that I was stupid and was incapable of learning the harder math, but I know that isn't the truth. I don't understand his methods because to me, they're outdated. Granted, I'm no genius, but whenever I did math at home and learned at my own pace I did splendidly, but come test time, I failed miserably. His tests were hard to understand because while he does things his way, the book says otherwise. I know for some people any math book is hard to grasp, but not for me. I believe in the methodical approach when it comes to mathematics and that's just what our book is. Granted, there are some types of problems where I prefer other methods, but most of the time I prefer the book. There are also video lectures and other practice materials online given to us by CSCC ( Columbus State Community College) that helps us practice. However, how can we even begin to grasp the material when our teacher does it another way, thus confusing the hell out of a lot of people? There are some of my class mates able to mesh both ideas together so in order to understand the material and that's okay. However, it's one hell of a note when half of the class is failing the freaking class. It would be better if the teacher would allow us to turn in homework to be graded, whether it be online or the book. At least we'll get some more points that way to help us at least get a passing grade. Overall, I feel like I've wasted money on this class. Everything I've learned in this class hasn't been from the teacher, but from myself. Isn't that sad? Yes, but on the other hand my math prof is a good person who has a good vibe with us students. This however isn't enough to override the fact that his methods are not exactly the best. I'm not flattering his vanity when I say that he is nice and has a good vibe with us students nor am doubting my abilities as a student either. I am a slow learner with a learning disability and I now i know what I must do in order to pass this class next semester. I know that without a doubt, I'll succeed! A.S Life in GeneralWell, I've finally decided that I am taking the summer off, with regards to college that is. I took my 3rd math test today and I'm semi confident that I did okay, but the most important thing is that I did my best. Anyways, I would like to extend my sympathies to the people who were either injured or killed at the Boston Marathon yesterday. I can't believe some one would bomb a marathon, but with the North Korea thing going on, I'm not surprised. My theory, this is all tied in with the situation in North Korea. I know I sound like a conspiracy theorist, but there've been so many incidents around the world that it just keeps piling up and leading back to one source, North Korea. My father, who's a HAM radio operator read online that a man who is a North Korean native living in the U.S caught a conversation on the air from North Korea. If you type in " HAM Radio North Korea Intercept" you'll probably find several websites that have articles about this certain intercept. My dad's theory is that they are talking big, but they don't have the technology or any weapons up-to-date that could be posed as at threat to the U.S. The fact that they are operating on an open frequency shows how antiquated their technology really is. I haven't had a lot of time to get myself up-to-date with the situation, but I know for sure that their either playing dumb on purpose or they really don't have enough military manpower weapons behind them to really back up their " big talks." Anyways, My neighbor upstair are moving out! I am so freaking happy as well as all of the other neighbor's who've been disturbed by them. They've caused so much havoc and when I saw them moving out today I did the happy dance, in private of course because I'm a terrible dancer, lol. I will never know what they were truly doing up there, but I know it was nothing good. Their erratic behavior speaks for itself. The bad smells were what scared me. I swear they were making or either doing drugs up there. I've never been in a situation such as this, but hey, there's always a first, lol. Anyways, now that they're gone we can finally have some peace and quiet after months of stomping, bad smells, erratic late nights and God knows what else. Other than that I've about three weeks of school left and then summer, which means freedom :) :) :) :) I can't wait to not have to do homework or worry about a damn math test! I have so many goals that I want to accomplish this summer and I'll be damned if anyone tries to bring me down or stop me from accomplishing them. 1) I'm going to get my drivers license. I know it's sad that I, a woman of 26 doesn't yet have one, but I have my reasons. 2) Find a part time job 3) Loose weight, which is already happening. I've already lost 20 pounds and that's just from eating better! 4) Have fun, which shouldn't be hard. 5) Meet new people, be more sociable. I'll try my best with #5 because I'm not exactly a social butterfly, but I am determined to change. Anyways, that's pretty much it for now Peace Out A.S When I'm wrong, I'm wrong.I wrote a blog labeled “ assumptions.” At first I felt that I had gotten my message across and it felt good. Now I realize that no matter what I say, it won’t matter to certain people. There are some people out there who are so full of their own shit that they can’t see beyond the veil and that’s why they make assumptions. I heartily admit that I too am human and have made mistakes, one of which was writing that blog. I thought that if certain people knew where I stood and how I felt it would make a difference and make them stop talking about me behind my back. It’ s kind of ironic though, considering the other blog itself was about me supposedly talking about certain people behind their backs. Now I realize my error in judgment. I realize that I still, to a degree, care about the opinions of some people. Sometimes you have to take step back and look at the situation clearly to see when you’re in the wrong. So Now that I’ve done so I realize that these certain persons make these erroneous assumptions every once and a while to get a rise out of me. Yes, I should’ve realized this way before now, but I will admit that I was too wrapped up in my own anger to see the situation clearly. I am not ashamed for being angry. Who wouldn’t be angry when someone is talking about you behind your back and saying mean and hurtful things about you? I’m only human. Now that I’ve had some spare time to really think about certain things I’ve to come to a conclusion in my mind. I realize that I have to stop caring about what certain people think about me. I know I should’ve realized this long ago, but I really wasn’t following my own advice. Anger can do that to a person, it makes one feel the need to fight back, which was exactly what I was doing. These certain people who’ve used me for their amusement by trying to get a rise out of me are pathetic. They claim to have perfect lives and basically act like there above everyone else, but in reality, they are just as angry as I am inside. It has made them into a truly ugly person on the inside. For a while I was an ugly person on the inside for letting my anger get the better of me. There is however some truth to what I said in my other blog. I don’t envy people who feel the need to consistently boast about themselves. To say that I am jealous of what they have is just laughable. Why would I be jealous of them and want to be like them? They are the embodiment of everything I don’t want to be. I am happy with who I am, or at least I am getting there one step at a time. I like being in college, I love my boyfriend and I am truly grateful for what I do have in life. I am grateful for the ability to be able to be in college and for the knowledge that I’ve obtained since being there. So, to conclude this blog I believe that certain people are somewhat jealous of me because I am in college and am working towards my career goal. If I’m wrong then I’m wrong, but that’s how I’m interpreting their bad behavior towards me. I’m not judging them because jealousy is natural and these certain people will eventually get over themselves. I am happy that they’ve fulfilled some of their goals in life, whatever they may be. I’ve no right to judge people based on their decisions in life either. I just wish people would stop judging mine. I am working towards one of my major goals and I will NOT apologize for it or change for other people. Like I always tell people, if you don’t like who I am then leave. This doesn’t mean that I’m not working to improve myself; I just won’t do it for the sake of other people’s selfish needs. Anyways, I hope this is the last of these kinds of blogs, but I can’t promise anything. Peace Out A.S A quick updateHello all, Life is great for the most part. I'm still having some health issues, but I'm doing better and finally am going to see the right doctors to help me with the issues that I have now. School is still a rocky road, but hey, it's college so whatever. Anyways, Daryl and I are doing great. We've been together for a couple of years now and I know I tell him this all of the time, but I love him. He has been there for me when nobody else has, he's a good man, has great job and most importantly he loves me for me, and I feel the same way for him in return. It's funny because some once said that I will never have anyone because I am who I am. Well, I do have someone and even though I don't mention my relationship with him very often, I do love him so freaking much. To have someone that gets you, that accepts you and just loves you for you is one of thee greatest gifts in the world. Anyways, I went to go see a councilor on Friday. It was just pre assessment so I can get into to see a regular one. I am only going to be treated for my anxiety issues, which are mostly brought on by stress, especially now that I'm a full fledged college student. Speaking of college, I think there may be hope yet for me in math, I may pass! If I do I am so doing the happy dance :) Well, I'll do one anyways just because I got through the semester, lol. We've a couple of weeks left and I'm still debating whether I want to do summer semester or not. There are many pro's and cons, so I'm just weighing them right now. I need a break because I don't want to burn myself out, but I just want to get done and get out there. I also don't want to put the cart before the horse, as it were, and royally screw things up for myself. So in short, as of right now the whole summer semester issue is still in debate. Other than that I am trying to soak up as much sun as I possibly can. Ohio weather is so turbulent. One day it can be 20 degrees and snowing while the next day it can be 70 degree's and sunny. Anyways, that's pretty much it Peace Out A.S AssumptionsYou know what irritates the crap out of me? When people make these erroneous assumptions and then pass them off as a so-called " truth". For example, I've been accused of talking about certain people behind their backs on numerous occasions. Whether it be online or not, that is NOT true. Like I've stated in my previous blogs, I basically don't like to talk about people behind their backs, or at least I try not to. I admit I'm not perfect nor do I pretend to be either. I slip occasionally and sometimes say things about people out of anger. I'm human and I will not apologize for making human like mistakes. I, for the most part try, to the best of my abilities not to talk about people behind their backs. Doing so leads to trouble and so many misperceptions. There are some people who blatantly accuse me of such things without any real evidence to back up their accusations. I admit that I am an avid blogger and do write about certain incidents that have involved certain people, but I never use names and I always try to keep things low key out of respect other people. I have the right as an American citizen to speak my mind and I believe that I do so in an eloquent manner. It is those certain persons that just can't take the heat and assume that whenever I write about certain things it's always about them. Seriously, get a clue already! The world doesn't revolve around you no matter how much you may wish it. Just because you foolishly believe that you have the perfect life doesn't mean that every one believes it as well. Believing that people envy you and boasting about your so-called 'perfect' life all the time is just down right pretentious. You wonder why people constantly talk about you? Well, here's a word of advice, stop bragging because after a while it gets old. I don't envy people who constantly brag about themselves. If you were truly happy you wouldn't feel the need to constantly brag all the time. People who do so are just overcompensating for what they don't have in life. Like I stated, I'm human and have a bragged a few times in my life, but that isn't something I do on a daily basis like some people out there. I know I may sound a tad bit brattish right now, but I've tried to keep quite about certain things, but I can't anymore. I understand that no one has the perfect life, but pretending to have one is just down right pretentious. You're not fooling anyone so why try to? I am happy that your happy, but being a asshole just makes you annoying and irritating. Anyways, that's pretty much all I have to say about this certain subject. Peace Out A.S Life, it can really suck if you let itThis blog has been marked as containing adult content. Your current adult settings prevent you from seeing it. Please go to your account settings page and change your settings to allow adult content to view this blog I'm back...well I'm still walking, but it's better than being where I wasHello all, It's been a rough couple of weeks, but I'm finally getting back to some semblance of normality. So, yesterday's blog was just me being bleh. I am going to be seeing someone to get myself straightened out mentally. I think I am just mentally high strung because of school. I've been in school since summer of 2012 without a break so I think, even though my parents will probably freak, that I'm going to sit it out this summer. This also depends on whether I pass this damn math class. I swear, his tests are freaking hard! My other classes are like a cake walk compared to this math class, but it's college so whatever, right? I am making up a chapter test on Monday and it's supposed to be brutal, or so I'm told. Anyways, that's pretty much it. I am doing okay now. A.S Where am I?I hate who I am right now. I hate being this person, whoever this girl is. What happened to the girl who could handle just about anything? Who could go to class even though all I want to do sometimes is just crawl into bed and sleep for a year? Now I'm trying to cope, trying get back to that place where I am happy. This constant anxiety is like walking on egg shells. People tell me to have faith and that this rough patch will pass, but I just don't see it right now. I know I sound pretty blue, but if you were me right now then you'd be pretty blue too. I do still have hope though, because it's all I have, along with my family and awesome friends. Now I have to deal with the backlash with school. Those disapproving looks from the teachers as they try to figure out how to help me, ugh, I just don't want to deal with it, but I know that I have to. All I know is that I should not have started taking anti anxiety medicine because it's fucking me up something fierce. I need them for now because I can't sleep a good night because of my fucking neighbors. Anyways, I've got lots to do A.S I Anti-bullyHello all, I just want to let people know that I've finally created my anti-bullying group on here. So, please feel free to join and, share experiences, vent and seek help. Let's be there for each other and fight back! A.S Group Deleted & Other things Hello to all of my fellow EP users out there. I first off want to say thank you to all who've been so supportive during my health crisis. You have no idea how much your words of encouragement really helped me. In short, I was in the hospital 3 times, one of which including me staying over night. I have a kidney infection, yeast and bladder infection. Gross, I know, but all of this combined with my overly and obnoxiously loud neighbors upstairs I also had a succession of panic attacks, which led me back to the hospital for a third time. EP hackers really make me mad.Okay, Some dumb ass hacked into my account not too long ago and then created some bogus group labeled I righteouschica. Please note that I didn't create this group!!!! This kind of crap really pisses me off. EP really needs to up their security so more hackers can't get into other people's accounts. I had another problem similar to this one last week. Some asshole hacked into my webcam! So, I bought C-slide, which is a cheap cover for the webcam when you're not using it. I seriously don't understand people's mindset sometimes when they think it's ok to hack into another person's account. It really pisses me off to no end that this happened and I haven't noticed it up until now. So, again, that group I righteouschica was NOT created by the real me. That's all I have to say A.S P.S I'm reposting this because for some reason the original blog was under Mature content. MiscommunicationOk, I'm not one to create drama, but there's an issue that's been on my mind for a few days. Oh, and what I'm about to say doesn't apply to anyone in particular. Anyways, have you ever been in a situation where a miscommunication has occurred? I'm sure we all have at one point in time. I'm not particularly fond of these type of situations, but who is? No one, that's who. Anyways, I always say that if you have an issue that needs to be discussed, then don't hesitate to voice your concerns. For example,If a person has a problem with me then I'd rather they tell me than keeping it to themselves. I understand if you don't want to hurt my feelings, but having to hear about if from someone else other than you is rather irritating. It just causes unnecessary drama. I understand that some people are afraid to be confrontational, but it's better to just get things out in the open and get it done and over with. Avoiding the issue and or person doesn't make it go away either. It just drags things out and hurts both parties even more. I can't tell you how many times I've had to deal with problems that really boiled down to some form of miscommunication. People don't listen and I am no exception to the rule either. I have a tendency to not pay attention and it then comes back to bite me in the ass later. So, in short, the only way to solve a problem is to face it head on. Don't go hiding in the bushes until it's over. A.S Apple vs. Everyone elseOk, so I’m writing this blog to express my irritation for this battle of the brands, so to speak. Whenever I tell people that my phone, tablet and computer are all made by Apple I’m constantly criticized for it. I get told that I am a mindless Apple drone who buys into fads. According to society, if you’re an Apple user your one of those people who probably couldn’t screw on a light bulb to save your life. Yes, a person has told me that by the way. Anyways, what does my choice in electronics have to do with my intelligence? What happened to the concept, “ Get whatever works for you”? I like apple because their products are easy to understand and I don’t have to constantly hassle with them because I honestly don’t have the time. I’m in college and I have other obligations and, it’s nice to have a phone, tablet and lab top that’s easy to use and efficient. Yes, Apple products are more expensive, but I believe that they’re worth the money. Every phone brand has their quirks, but that doesn’t make them horrible. I don’t sit there and criticize a person for having a particular type of device because it’s low class. I for one am sick of the “ PC vs. Mac” and “ Apple vs. Android” crap, it’s just stupid. I will admit that I’ve had a few Androids and the apps always crash as well as the phones and some of them were top Android phones. I don’t have that trouble with my Iphone as well as my Ipad. As for computers, I have had a lot of trouble with the PC’s. Ever since my old HP kicked the bucket I’ve had two PC’s in the past year alone. Both of course are from RAC and have AMD processors but still, even my HP with Intel had issues. I find that I had trouble updating the PC’s even though I did everything right. Then there’s the customer service. Apple’s is great and they even have workshops for new Apple users, which are FREE btw. I never saw that with PC’s. I have had nothing but good tidings with my Apple products and that’s why I’ve chosen them. This doesn’t mean I am an Android or PC hater. I don’t make it a note to be a hater like some people do. It’s just ridiculous when people loose their shit over a fucking machine, because that’s what they are, machines. Overall, buy something that is right for you because it is you who’s going to be using the products. It’s up to you to make the choice and change your mind if you’re unhappy with a particular device. Don’t hate on Steve Jobs either because if it weren’t for people like him you wouldn’t have cell phones, tablets and computers. I think people forget that Apple revolutionized the way we as a society communicate with each other. Anyways, I have other things to do and I just needed to get this out of my system. Ta A.S
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