Forgiveness | agathashelly's Blog

I watched a docuementary today called Forgiving Dr. Mengele, who was a Nazi SS Doctor who performed atrocious experiments on the concentration camp prisoners.  It is basically about a Mengele twin who had survived and then later on claimed that she has forgiven the Nazi's, especially Mengele for what was done to her. At first I was skeptical because I didn't understand how anyone, much less a surviving prisoner of Auschwitz could forgive such a crime against humanity and the people who participated in such evil.

I then let her overall message sink in and realized that no matter who hurts me or what obstacles I have and may face, I have the power to forgive.  For many years I have been living with so much angst because of all the crap that's been dealt my way. I try to act tough, pretend that I am as solid as rock, but my shield is very thin and penetratable. The pain of what has been inflicted on me still haunts me to this day.

In my darkest hours I still feel like a victim, but I try so hard to overcome the pains of the past. After watching this documentary I had a good cry and realized that I don't have to continue to be ruled by my past afflictions. I have the power to forgive the people who have hurt me. I don't have to continue on being bitter towards them and instead can forgvive them to heal my heart and soul. I have been carrying so much on my back for so long that the weight of it is beginning to criple me in some way.

So, I am going to slowly teach myself to forgive, but never forget. As my life goes on I don't want to go through it being bitter, resentful and hide behind a fake smile. People  have and still will talk about me behind my back for the sole purpose of making me feel bad because it is in their nature to do so. I am in no way perfect and am just as flawed as any other human being, but I will at least the power to forgive while everyone else hangs on to their pain.  

This journey won't be easy, but I am willing to rough it knowing that what's on the other side is something far better than what I have now.


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